Well as I stated last week we had Chase’s IEP meeting and he qualified for 3 hours of homebased schooling through the public schools. Well Chase’s new teacher called yesterday to set up times to come into our home. She is coming for the first time today.

I am feeling really anxious about this. I don’t know why. I guess it’s just one more person being brought into Chase’s world to “treat” him. To some extent it feels like it’s another person trying to fix him, or to do what we can’t do for him. Sometime I feel like Chase is looked at like a fish in a bowl. He has been isloated by this bowl (autism) from all the other fish in the pond. He’s beautiful and unique, but he’s still in a bowl. I feel like people are always observing him and critiquing how he swims, like one day if he swims the right way then he can go back to the pond or something. I dunno… I am just as guilty as the next person. Sometimes I have to stop myself I feel like sometimes things that are just unique to Chase are considered a symptom or something that needs to be fixed. Ultimately my goal and desire for him is to be able to FUNCTION typically, to be able to handle the things around him, but do I want him to be like everyone else to lose what makes him my Chase? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

Interestingly enough, sadly enough, when Chase was diagnosed with autism, and I started reading about other children and the behaviours that set a child affected by autism apart from a neuro-typical child, alot of the things we thought were quirks that were simply who Chase was, were no long unique quirks but symptoms. Not only did I feel a sense of loss because of knowing what autism can bring, but I felt a sense of loss, that some of Chase’s uniqueness wasn’t so unique, or some of the uniqueness that we thought was cute, wasn’t so cute anymore….  Any unique behaviours now, I immediately go to google to see if its good or bad or if we need to be doing something, if the behaviour is a symptom of something else that is a bigger problem. I think what God is showing me is to be careful about that stuff…. Chase is Chase. He is fearfully and wonderfully made, yes I can be on top of things, but sometimes I need to sit back relax and just let Chase be Chase.

Therapy was a bomb today.

Chase was soooo stressed out. I could not figure out WHAT to do for the kiddo. The therapists could not figure out what to do for him. He wasn’t able to do things he’s been doing for weeks. He was in tears the whole hour, screaming, hitting me and the therapist, yelling at me to help him, then telling me to leave, then screaming and begging for me when I do leave. It was so hard to watch.

Part of all of this is dealing with the meltdowns. I have resolved myself that at times we have to be tough, and not give in, even through the extreme meltdowns. In the long run it is better if we don’t give in. Obviously we all know this from typical parenting. However the meltdowns are so much more extreme when autism comes into play. So for the most part I do what I have to do to get through those times.

Honestly Chase has been pretty well under control, even when he’s been regressing on meds, he is still able to communicate his frustrations, even if it’s just screaming them at me or Neil or communicating otherwise. Yesterday he was just not able to do it. He was just mad. The therapist tells him “Chase I see your sad, do you want to tell me why your sad?” He looks at her and says “I not sad, I’M AAAAAANGGGGRY” if looks could kill she’d be a goner. He kept yelling “I dont care!!! AT ALL!!!” it was brekaing my heart. He just couldn’t seem to get the rest of his frustrations out. I have not wanted to swoop in and save him from a situation like that in a long time – we just haven’t had situation THAT BAD in a long time…. It was soooo hard to watch.

I pray whatever this was, passes quickly. His therapist asked if he’d eaten anything different, at the time I couldn’t pinpoint anything but once home I remembered he had. Hopefully it was just a food infraction in his diet causing this and he will be back to normal in a day or two. I am praying and crossing all appendages that, that is what this is.

Here’s to a better day tomorrow!!

We F-I-N-A-L-L-Y had Chase’s IEP today. It was a long time coming. He was approved for in-home instruction. Basically he will have a special ed teacher come to our house 3 hours a week and instruct Chase and teach me ways to help Chase learn and function. She is supposedly very very experienced and studying for her license in ABA. ABA is the only really studied time tested proven meathod of helping those with autism. The younger the child starts the better. Chase won’t have a ABA program but having someone who is aware of how it works, working with him will be very very good. So I’m optimistic.

We will have to re-visit Chase’s IEP in August when he starts kindergarten. Hopefully the school will be good about providing what he needs then, and will be good at getting Alex on the same schedule as he is 0n. I can’t believe we will have all 3 boys in school next year. I have no clue what I will do with myself. LOL! We’ll cross that bridge when we get there!

Hey Everyone! Well I needed to change my blog location so I’d have to pay for another year. The service I used before was really really cool but was expensive and I never got into using the service to it’s fullest potential, so I decided to change it up a little and save some money. Graysen’s Dad, John, helped get me set up here. Hopefully we will all like this home as much as the other. It’s already growing on me. Plus the address is easier to remember!! You can subscribe using RSS to the blog and can also now leave comments. I will point out features along the way as I use them….